Son Of The Mask

January 1, 2016

You see that title up there? That’s right, we watched Son of the Mask to celebrate Halloween. Armin joined the guys to review this legendary bad film. Well, he joined Chris. In a Film Frown first, Paul could not finish the movie. How’s that for a review? Dare to watch it?

• Buy on Amazon.
• iTunes

And now the review:

• Chris & Paul claim to be part of the Q Continuum. Showing guests bad movies is the way they test humanity.
• Production designer on this film did a great job. Makes sense, his other films: Alien, Superman, The Empire Strikes Back, Raiders of the Lost Ark and An American Werewolf in London.
• This cinema stinker includes a decent cast of Bob Hoskins, Alan Cumming, Traylor Howard and Steven Wright.
• This film was nominated for a bunch of Razzies. Unfortunately, it lost to Jenny McCarthy’s Dirty Love.
• Remember The Chevy Chase Show? Of course not.
• Son of the Mask was a sequel to an 11 year old movie. In between, there was an animated series.
• Ben Stein is the only actor to be in both movies and the above cartoon.
• Who is the better Loki? Alan Cumming or Tom Hiddleston?
• The Adventures of Milo and Otis.
• Paul thinks Drew Carey would have been a better Jim Carrey replacement than Jamie Kennedy.
• All the action in this film is borrowed from the cartoons of Tex Avery.
• Jamie Kennedy was destroyed in reviews of this film. His coping mechanism was making the documentary Heckler.
• Armin’s take, Kennedy is no Carrey. The metaphor used, “Simba shouldn’t try to be Mufasa” via The Lion King.
• Kal Penn is also in this film.
• Is Odin renting space from Morgan Le Fay who was in a recent film we reviewed, Doctor Strange?
• Jamie Kennedy’s Mask is less of a party animal than Spuds MacKenzie.
• Nine Inch Nails performing Hurt vs. Johnny Cash’s version. In other words, make it your own.
• Hulk sperm from the Mask?
• The baby learns his hi-jinx from watching Looney Tunes on TV. Is that still on?
• Also the baby seems to know a pretty famous Exorcist scene.
• An archive of the Entertainment Magazine Son of the Mask article.
• Armin likens the film to Madagascar. There’s lots going on and really the Penguins could have their own film.
• The insane Mask hot rod.
• Roger Ebert’s review of the film.
• Why does the baby only use his powers when Jamie Kennedy around? Tribute to Michigan J. Frog?
• Paul wants a drama version where they lock this kid up like E.T.

Recommendations

• Armin: Madagascar
• Paul: Thor
• Chris: Killer Klowns From Outer Space

Thanks to Armin for joining us to watch this film (not so much for choosing it). Thanks to you for listening and reading this synopsis. Laters.

Hard Ticket To Hawaii

December 13, 2015

Chris & Paul were incredibly lucky to be joined by Darren Herczeg & Adam Dachis from Supercharged & The Awkward Human Survival Guide shows on the 5by5 podcast network. The cinema flavor sampled on this episode was Hard Ticket to Hawaii, a titillating adventure featuring useless bullets, inconsistent bazooka blasts and bad actors that make the co-star centerfolds look like Glenn Close or Julianne Moore. As Darren would say, “Aloha!”

• Adam will be starring in a West Wing reboot?
• Adam is a co-author of The Awkward Human Survival Guide .
• Darren’s amazing short, Tennis. You’ll love it. (pun intended)
• Chris steals his intro styling from Gilbert Gottfried’s Amazing Colossal Podcast!
• Adam says Gilbert Gottfried Reads 50 Shades of Grey is the best Gilbert thing ever.
• Chris rather enjoys that Cards Against Humanity sponsored Gilbert’s show once and ask him to read the Bill Pullman speech from Independence Day in lieu of an advertisement. Listen around 1:45, here.
• Director of the film, Andy Sidaris was the father of the “honey shot” in sports broadcasting.
• Darren asks if Dona Speiris related to Albert Speer? That will really kill the mood in your masturbatorium.
• Is that a non-little person version of Hervé Villechaize as a henchman?
• Adam shares that Florida warns people to wear long socks to protect themselves from snakes. WHA? Surely that will work as well as the duck and cover during a nuclear attack.
• Oh, hey! Why not get some snake protection leggings instead of long socks?
• Joe Bob Briggs interviews Andy Sidaris. Another interview shows Dona Speir with her arm around Andy while his wife Arlene promotes the movie.
• Apparently this film is a sequel to Malibu Express.
• The company uniform for the girls’ cargo business?
• Darren points out that this movie has not one, but two theme songs. You can sample one, here.
• The confusion of white people playing races other than white? It happens with the film’s villain. Also, Darren says see Emma Stone in Aloha.
• Is that Glen A. Larson’s real-life yacht?
• Darren compares Sidaris to Mark Cuban, who you may recognize from Shark Tank.
• Harold Diamond went to the kickboxing school of acting. The master class.
• The delivery boy is played by Sidaris’ son, Christian.
• Darren tells us you can travel to Cambodia to blow up a cow with a bazooka.
• Who is a more convincing woman? Adam, Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie or the character in The Crying Game.
• Hawkeye vs. Green Arrow, the battle no one really cares about.
• Chris wants a sequel where the snake has 36 hours to live and it’s in the same vein as Crank.
• You think the podcast is long? Imagine how the guests feel. Darren decides to draw while he’s bored (NSFW).
• Darren wants to hire Dona Speir Berman for his next project. Here’s her FB, Darren.
• Does Taryn suffer from upspeak?
• “We need more female body builders in film.” Except Chyna, of course.
• Cut and suddenly the bad guy has a knife and Jake is wearing shuko hand claws?
• We don’t recommend you cheat yourself of the viewing pleasure of this art film, but Paul did mention there are GIFs available at giphy.

Thanks to Darren & Adam for taking the time to join Paul & Chris on a show that ended up being longer than the movie reviewed. Please check out their shows, The Awkward Human Survival Guide and Supercharged. Of course, thank you for listening. If you’d like to support the show, please see our Patreon page.

Gymkata

November 15, 2015

This week, Chris & Paul are joined by Daniel J. Hogan of Clattertron and Armin of biasedcat to discuss the only martials arts/gymnastics mashup film ever, Gymkata.

• Armin actually filled in for Dan on the Waterworld episode. Dan shares a story about going to the movie theatre to see that film. Suck it, boring Apollo 13 movie!
• Dan just finished The Martian and we’re all excited to see the film based on the book.
• Chris thinks you may be more interested in watching Gymkhana.
• This film came out the same year as The Last Dragon.
• There was tough box office competition in 1985 like Teen Wolf, Pee Wee’s Big Adventure, Fletch and Goonies.
• Number 1 in 1985? Back to the Future.
• Wait, why are there ninja’s on the poster?
• The film stars Olympic gymnast Kurt Thomas.
• Armin wants Michael Phelps to star in a Waterworld reboot!
• Thomas was nominated for a “Worst New Star” Razzie, but lost to Brigitte Nielsen.
• Villain Zahmir, played by Richard Norton was also in The Octagon.
• Dan educates the reviewers on hockey legend, Mario Lemieux.
• Armin is confused by the fact that Reagan nicknamed the missile defense system, Star Wars.
• Dan reminds us that Robocop lampooned the defense system idea in a brief news segment.
• Gymkata is based on The Terrible Game by Dan Tyler Moore.
• Princess Rubali is played by Tetchie Abayani, actress and Playboy model.
• Why are we introducing all these weapons when he never uses them in the whole movie? Don’t they know Chekov’s gun principle?
• The director of this film, Robert Clouse also directed Enter the Dragon and Game of Death.
• Eddie Murphy on Elvis(NSFW).
• The Khan looks like he just came out of Fiddler on the Roof. Here he is with his daughter in Gymkata.
• Dan suggests that we watch No Holds Barred.
• Our hero’s nurse.
• Dan and Armin think that this is a proto-Hunger Games.
• Movies recommended on this episode: Indiana Jones & the Temple of Doom, The Cutting Edge, Bloodsport and The Maze Runner.

Thanks for giving us a listen! We really appreciate it. And, special thanks to Armin & Dan for taking the time to watch the film and do the episode! Check out biasedcat.com & Clattertron.com to support them! Please subscribe using the feed on this site or iTunes. Rate us on iTunes or share us with friends!

Doctor Strange

October 27, 2015

Everybody loves Marvel movies. Even the ones from the 70s? Our previous guest, Christian joins us to discuss the marvelous sets & mustachioed acting in this TV movie that hoped to launch a series.

• The abundance of reviews online for this film is startling. Here’s one that has some history about the production.

• The new Doctor Strange is due out in 2016.

• Jessica Walter plays the villain. You might recognize her from Arrested Development and she’s a voice on Archer. Hey! We talked to someone who works on that show.

• Clyde Kusatsu plays Wong and wins the “I recognize you from everything, but never knew your name” award.

• Wait, are we watching Doctor Strange or Welcome Back, Kotter?

• John Mills is the aging wizard passing his powers to Doctor Strange. Listeners may recognize him as Professor Quartermass.

• Wow. There’s a lot of bizarre music in this film, some great, some terribly sax-y. It’s by Paul Chihara.

• Is the super villain’s “Master,” Dormammu or Sam the Eagle?

• Christian gives us the lowdown on the real origin story of Doctor Strange.

• Über is not a sponsor and don’t trust Google self-driving cars to get you to your polling place to vote.

• Doctor Strange started off in split books, says guest Christian. First, he teamed up with The Human Torch and then Nick Fury before he got his own comic.

• The film within the film is Abbot & Costello meet Frankenstein.

• Wong is always monkee-ing around with Doctor Strange.

• The Shatnerian School of Acting.

• What other characters has Peter Hooten portrayed, besides Doctor Strange?

• Clea is a student who was possessed by evil & Strange wants to save her. Well, in this TV movie anyway. In the comics, it’s a different story.

• Um, really? Chubbie is an appropriate label for kid’s wear?

• Does the ancient one have the glow?

• We have a female lead as a super villain, but the film fails the Bechdel test because she has the hots for Doc Strange.

• Instant Mr. T bling.

• CBS was hoping to turn this Doctor Strange pilot into the next The Incredible Hulk TV series.

• Battlestar Galactica(1978), the show built on showing the same space dog fight every episode.

• What would the future TV show have been like? Paul & Christian want the excellent drawings to begin each show like the leap FX in Quantum Leap.

• Interested in watching this old film? Paul says train yourself by watching old Doctor Who episodes.

After a long day on the astral plane, you need a hot bath, if you know what mean. So thanks for listening!

The Octagon

September 2, 2015

Listener favorite Arden returns with more kung fu! He joins Chris and their fellow movie buff Geraldine on a special episode recorded during the summer break. While Paul slumbered in his hyperbaric chamber, the 3 intrepid friends attempted to sit through a Chuck Norris film, The Octagon.

• Arden gives a shoutout to star & martial artist Ernie Reyes Jr. who joined our chat room in a previous episode.
• Should we watch The Big Brawl some time?
• Chris & Geraldine recently went Turkey Shoot to watch Snakes on a Plane.
• A very bad film featuring Farrah Fawcett and disgustingly old Kirk Douglas as lovers in space? Ew, just ew, Saturn 3.
• The Octagon also came out the same year as Xanadu.
• What’s exactly going on in this film? Arden wonders if we’re watching Naked Lunch.
• Geraldine is pretty sure that Chuck Norris wrote the Wikipedia page for The Octagon.
• Master of picking up ladies, the character A.J. is played by Canadian actor Art Hindle.
• Chuck’s fighting style lacks, style. “I hit you. You fall down now.” Chris is missing Jet Li.
• Oh hey! Look it’s The Master, Lee Van Cleef! And there’s a very brief Ernie Hudson.
• It’s Seikura, not Shakira, Chris.
• What a great character actor, Tracey Walter.
• Seikura’s main bro is like an imperial royal guard from Star Wars.
• Ninja ranking in the film seems to be based on flair? By this rationale, Liberace is a grand master.
• It’s like an episode of America’s Funniest Home Videos, all Chuck does is hit people in the privates.
• Look out! Shakira has Kusarigama!
• Arden wants to watch Caveman.
• Chris watched Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films and wants to see Invasion U.S.A..
• Arden recommends The Delta Force and Geraldine says listeners should check out Barbarella.

It was a lot of fun to get together in the same room, watch the film and record the show. Though, we missed Paul’s trademark hilarity! Be sure to check out one of Arden’s projects, Prairie Noodle Shop. When the restaurant is complete it will be worth the trip to Edmonton. Trust us!