Supergirl

December 16, 2016

Nope.

We’re not watching the cheese-filled CBS show, we’re watching Helen Slater fight Faye Dunaway in a very strange film from the 80s. arkOS creator Jacob Cook and the talented artist & developer Jen Montes join the guys to review a piece of super hero history, Supergirl.

• Chris watched way too many documentaries like You Will Believe: The Cinematic Saga of Superman to prepare for this show. Meanwhile, Jen watched Supergirl religiously as a child.

• Like Superman III, Supergirl was panned by reviewers. Also, it did not do well at the box office.

• Note the poster on the Wikipedia page. There’s something wrong with the Statue of Liberty.

• “Look at the British Peters!” Shouts Paul. Meaning O’Toole and Cook.

• Why is that Brenda Vaccaro looking so familiar?

• Chris live tweeted his viewing, the new version of show notes.

• Chris confuses who gets shrunk into who in Innerspace. And is this where Kara’s city is?

• Paul thinks the pocket universe is the inside of Zardoz’s stone head.

• Paul wonders if the spaceship flight is inspired by 2001: A Space Odyssey.

• Jacob thinks this can’t be anything but a space dildo.

• Chris thinks Faye Dunaway is wearing the Cybill Shepherd collection from Moonlighting.

• Jen says “the flying ballet” scene is to remind us that she’s a girl and we all cringe.

• What’s America like? Truckers. Matt Frewer delivers the worst dialogue as a trucker in a scene where Supergirl meets Max Headroom.

• We don’t like these writers very much.

• Jacob wonders why all the A&W product placement. Even on rapist truckers. Next on Law and Order: PZU (Phantom Zone Unit).

• Gardner guy is also the douchey guy from the first Die Hard film.

• Paul says there’s more magic in this film, but it is way more boring than Doctor Strange.

• Paul compares the lengthy flying scenes to the very long Star Trek: The Motion Picture.

• We have no budget so we’ve dressed all the bad guys like their from THX 1138.

• Is that a morlock in the Phantom Zone? Nope, it’s Peter O’Toole!

• Jacob suggests no one can replace Faye Dunaway in this film except maybe Tilda Swinton. Chris argues making the film even worse with Melanie Griffith.

• Jacob recommends that listeners watch Labyrinth. Then, he says we should review it on the show. Hmm…

• Jen says you need to check out Barbarella. Paul says he cannot make a better recommendation and jumps on this, well.

• Chris suggests Electric Booglaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films.

In the time since we recorded this, Jacob has launched an awesome way to get your arkOS on, with his new hosted service Skylark. Jen can be found on twitter or github. Thanks to both of them for all the laughs. It’s probably our longest show because we spent 24 minutes laughing. Stay tuned for next season. It’s right around the corner, by the time we post this! Thanks for listening.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

December 10, 2016

We love Spielberg, we love aliens and fedoras. How could this go wrong? On this episode Paul & Chris are joined by their better halves, Tina and Colette. So does the film hold up to the lego game? That’s the big question.

• Can you use Square Cash to transfer money between Canada and the US? Hmm. Nope.

• Crystal Skull came out in 2008. BoxOfficeMojo lists it as 3rd for the year, below The Dark Knight and Iron Man. This film is actually above Wall-E and Twilight. WHA?

• The biggest film shot in Hawaii since another film we reviewed, Waterworld. Of course, hands down the best Hawaii film we’ve watched is Hard Ticket to Hawaii.

• This is not the Mitchell-Hedges skull, yo! It’s like ALIEN!

• For your entertainment, real-time searches of the The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles, Sean Patrick Flanery and River Phoenix on air. Such wow!

• Are we watching American Graffiti?

• Between all of Chris’ coughing, Indiana Jones jumps the shark in a stolen Tardis.

• Paul educates us on the history of nuclear weapons testing.

• The only movie star who has talked to us is in this film! We’re super excited to know Ernie Reyes Jr. is on our screen.

• Ants dislike Cate Blanchett.

• Always do your CG in the dark. Don’t do it in the light, Golden Compass. Just stop.

• It’s a quiet group on the podcast because the movie isn’t that awful. One exception: them Shia Labeouf scenes like the Shia-monkey.

• Our take overall, this is an entertaining film. As an Indiana Jones film it is bad.

Thanks to our biggest patrons, our wives for joining us again. For more of Tina and Colette check out Harem Scarum. Interested in sharing an opinion about next season check out Chris’ post and let us know what you think over on Twitter.

Round the World with Dolemite

December 1, 2016

On this bonus episode Chris thought he was throwing a softball to his friends, the cult classic Dolemite. A recognizable so bad it is good staple, right? Well, not so fast. Mad Dragon & Spike Matthews have less than flattering things to say about Dolemite. Perhaps this is why they’re not using their real names? Of course, there are few characters in the film that have real names. We’re looking at you Creeper.

• What is this PMOG?
• Michael Keaton, Pierce Brosnan & Tom Baker walk into a bar…
• There’s a sequel? Yup. The Human Tornado.
• Who is Dolemite? Rudy Ray Moore.
• Spike thinks one of the cops looks like John Cleese.
• Spike also wonders if Shatner attended the same acting school as the folks in this film.
• Our reviewers have issues understanding English while discussing Jet Li, so Mad suggests we talk in Greek.
• Spike says anybody who thinks early Doctor Who sets & props are rough, should have a look at this film.
• Spike says that every time some says “Dolemite,” he hears catamite and sets the tone.
• Dolemite looks like Simon Cowell with his high-waist pants. Sorry, it’s a sign of your age.
• Spike wonders if one of Dolemite’s girls is a Mohel?
• Instead of a Dolemite sex scene, Mad would rather watch Twilight.
• Mad compares the gun play in Dolemite to the lack of anyone getting shot in Star Wars. Hash tag: #DolemiteShotFirst
• Mad wonders who is the audience for a Blaxploitation film.
• Mad schools everyone in The Quiet Man, “a perception of an ethnic group by people who have no connection with the culture.”
• Mad says a better film to watch would be Blazing Saddles.
• Lip sync is terrible in the film and it reminds Spike of Top of the Pops. He mentions the “Martha’s Harbour” incident.
• Dolemite performs The Signifying Monkey.
• How big is Dolemite’s bow tie? Here’s an estimate.
• Chris wonders why kung fu is so terrible in the early movies, like The Octagon.
• Our reviewers debate the loyalty of the club employees much like the Deathstar contractors discussion in Clerks.
• If your name is Spike and you want the Dolemite soundtrack.
• Chris says the kung fu in this film is like watching marionettes do the Matrix. It reminds Spike of Joe 90.
• That John Cleese cop looks like Kriss Kross with his backward jeans.
• The Mad TV “Dolemite” sketch.
• Mad recommends Tangerines.
• Spike suggests that you watch Spirited Away.

Thanks so much for listening! We really appreciate it. We also love feedback, so let us know how we’re doing on twitter or iTunes. We’d love to hear from you.

House Party

February 20, 2016

In the cozy warmth of their homes in December, the boyz team up with Daniel J. Hogan of Clattertron.com to throw a house party. Err, that is to watch House Party. I was just Kid’n Playing with you.

Want to risk watching it?

• Amazon Video
• iTunes

All else fails? Try canistream.it.

• Bullworth is a “rap’ movie?
• Paul wants this soundtrack on The Last Dragon.
• Dan has recently enjoyed Straight Outta Compton, bought the N.W.A. album with the same title and wants this soundtrack, yo.
• Hip Hop Family Tree is a suggested comic you should read.
• Chris & Dan cannot recommend Cool As Ice enough. They are totally down with Vanilla Ice.
• The late, great Robin Harris is “Pops” in this film.
• Wait, are we watching Pee-wee’s Big Adventure?
• Paul & Chris are getting matching sweaters like Kid’n Play from the Gittin’ Funky video.
• Chris has a Youtube playlist of more old hip hop tracks he had the cassettes or singles of, click at your own risk.
• The film’s villains are the group Full Force. They have great professional names, way better than the character names in the movie.
• Oh look! A very young Martin Lawrence and Tisha Campbell-Martin from that TV show Martin(1992).
• Dan says we need to add Reagan’s Bedtime for Bonzo to next season’s Film Frown.
• How different would this movie be if it was written by Tennessee Williams?
• Pops wants to watch Dolemite, the forefather of bad movies.
• Don’t break your nose doing this dance move. Here’s a how-to.
• Oh hey! It’s Lou B. Washington from UHF.
• Red dyes are evil!
• Why does that cop look familiar? Barry Diamond
• The graphic sex scene is disturbing in a different way than the one in A Boy and His Dog.
• George Clinton is the DJ at the elephant graveyard party.
• Who is the better actor, Christopher “Kid” Reid or Christopher “Play” Martin?
• Daryl Mitchell from Galaxy Quest was part of a rap duo?
• Another great performer in this film is John Witherspoon, from Friday, The Boondocks and Black Jesus.
• There is no drug use, no smoking, the one guy drinking is made fun of and absolutely no hanky panky without birth control. This movie is actually pretty responsible. That explains why Kid’N Play had a cartoon as well.
• Oh no, Dan remembers the awful that is Hammer Man. Magic shoes? That’s not 2 legit.
• At your next cocktail party, be sure to challenge someone to a dance off.
• Everyone loves the scene where Robin Harris is talking to the police (NSFW).
• Dan teaches us what CPT means.
• What’s the deal with those burglars in the film? It’s the producer and director.
• The most amazing voice of Fats Williams gives advice about not getting raped in prison.
• Dan thinks this is a good movie, but no From Justin to Kelly. Meanwhile, Chris kept thinking he was watching Class Act.
• Dan plugs the Capital City Film Festival as he was volunteering for them.

Thanks to Dan for joining the show! He’s 2 Hype. Be sure to peep his web comic, Clattertron. Thanks for rolling with us and listening. Please check out our other podcast, Montreal Sauce and enjoy doing the Kid’N Play kick step this week.

Nick Fury

February 8, 2016

This week a TV movie crushes a group of reviewers that has already been beaten down by so many bad films this season. The cherry on the top of this steaming pile is The Hoff! Armin & Arden join your hosts and discuss a movie Marvel would like to forget.

• Also, forget David Hasselhoff, one of the costars is actually named Ron Canada!
• Arden is in love with the Swedish villainess, Viper!
• The Hoff says he’s a better Nick Fury than Samuel L. Jackson.
• What’s your job? “I write only super hero movies. All of them. Good or bad.”
• Arden points out in Commando Schwarzenegger has a nice house & is doing well. In contrast, The Hoff in this film is working a mine in the Yukon?
• Armin mentions this Key & Peele sketch about a retired military specialist that highlights the cliché. Of course, he can’t watch that clip because it will only work if you’re in the States. Thanks for nothing, internet.
• The spokesperson for collagen, Lisa Rinna.
• Everyone loves The Hoff. Chris believes even K.I.T.T. must have hit on him in Knight Rider.
• Chris thinks this movie is all kinds of Stargate SG-1 gone wrong. Paul says, Babylon 5.
• The British character in the film is the “comic relief,” and the actor was really happy to do it. He says so in this old article.
• The guys get in a discussion of other bad movies you’d watch instead of this one. Which is worse, this movie or Batman & Robin?
• Armin believes Ron Canada is the affordable James Earl Jones and calls him Mufasa.
• Gary in the chatroom thinks the only thing that could make the movie worse is Brendan Fraser.
• The henchmen are the Blue Man Group?
• Arden thinks the set from the baddies’ lair was stolen for the recent Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film.
• The villainess has obviously been through the A Clockwork Orange treatment and it didn’t work. She crazy.
• All of The Hoff’s best lines are in the Quotes section on IMDB.
• Armin says the mind reading scenes are just Action Essentials 2 plopped into the TV film.
• Armin also adds that he missed years of the plot of Interstellar on a restroom break.
• Arturo in the chat room reminds us of the great website, RunPee.com. For just such an occasion.
• The Hoff has been poisoned, but not from eating cancerous rats.
• Paul’s pitch for the new Oregon Trail: “Two of your party have died of cancerous rat poisoning.”
• Terry David Mulligan is recognized by Arden because he did a lot of Canadian TV shows. Here, he’s the president of the USA.
• We saw Gremlins so we’re going to steal this bit.
• Arden thinks the false ending with The Hoff & Lips on the Helicarrier could have been more Titanic-like.
• Wait, there’s a helicarrier? Yes, the Lego version is very expensive.
• Armin says this movie is better than Gymkata, but as bad Waterworld.
• Arden tells us the other movies that came out this year, The Big Lebowski, American History X and Saving Private Ryan.
• Generally, things started to turn around for Marvel with Blade and X-Men.
• Arden read Baywatch for the articles.
• Armin says you should watch Blade and Chris recommends Spider-Man.
• Arden suggests Spectre while Paul warns you to not watch Tomorrowland, ever.

Since the film was so very bad, ignore it. Instead, be sure to check out Arden’s Prairie Noodle Shop and Armin’s webcomic, Biasedcat. Thanks to both of them for watching the film and reviewing it. Thank you for listening!