We frown about bad movies so you don’t have to.


Fateful Findings

MP3

So the key to getting a Neil Breen film means going to the source. In keeping with our spy movie season, we followed the instructions on the site that said, “If you want a film other than Fateful Findings add the title to the comments section.” We asked for Double Down and paid the man for the DVD. Here we are reviewing what came in the mail, Fateful Findings. We were joined by Jen and Arden, reuniting the Masters of the Universe crew. “Basically the movie is so bad that when there is some clarity, it sticks out to you,” says Jen. Arden says, “If it wasn’t for Film Frown, I never would have been exposed to stuff like this. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not.”

  • Lamenting that we didn’t just watch Supergirl again.

  • If you need a Fateful Findings drinking game, it’s here.

  • Is Breen the next Tommy Wiseau?

  • We are all so confused. Even a movie called The Never Ending Story has a plot!

  • Paul recommends you watch the film on 1.2 speed and Arden said he kept fast forwarding 15 seconds and nothing changed.

  • Where did these sounds come from? Lord of the Rings or Star Trek IV.

  • We share how uncomfortable we feel for the other actors in the movie when Neil is undressing them. If you were in the film, you can find help here.

  • The hospital scene confounds us. A breathing apparatus over the bandages, carpet, and a stretcher that would look old on Marcus Welby, M.D..

  • Doing show notes is hard when I’m laughing. Did I miss something?

  • Neil Breen’s character can do magic if you don’t watch him. It’s like the Invisible Boy from Mystery Men.

  • Neil Breen does product placement for Hefty?

  • Jen points out all the production companies listed see the bottom in the credits are actually Neil Breen.

  • Chris offends Starman.

  • Chris reads Neil Breen’s official summary of the film to see if this is the movie they watched.

  • We talk about continuity. It’s important and completely missing here.

  • Jen struggles to compare The Room to Fateful Findings.

  • Paul calls the film “a Vine but longer.”

  • While Paul and our guests are not to sure about labeling this as so bad it is good, Chris wants the film to become the traditional graduation gift for students. Jen thinks this could be an excellent De Beers-like conspiracy.

  • Arden had to stop watching the film and cleanse his palate with The Toys That Made Us.

  • Oh my, Jen throws down the gauntlet and says her most hated film is Lucy.

  • Arden feared she was going to say, Now You See Me 2.

  • Jen says American Psycho did the plastic room better.

The first rule of Hefty room is? Thanks for listening! Thank you to Arden and Jen for joining us.


Operation Kid Brother / OK Connery

MP3

Our season of spy films continues with this very strange parody. It’s 1967 and those Bond movies are making money, let’s jump in on that. Well, the first thing we need is a Connery. Hey, Sean Connery has a brother. Let’s call him? Does he act? Does it matter? Our friend Jacob Cook returns for this episode and we’re wondering if he’ll ever return. This is a bad, bad movie. As Paul says, “The main character’s super power is knowing what the hell is going on.”

  • The film was originally titled, Operation Kid Brother, but in some releases it is called OK Connery because they just gave up on trying to be clever.
  • What’s in the briefcase in Pulp Fiction may be a better discussion than this particular film.
  • According to Wikipedia, the Moneypenny actress made more money for this than all the other Bond films.
  • The Italian Dudley Moore? It’s Alvaro Vitali. And he’s not in this film, or it might be funny.
  • Jacob compares this film to the last parody we watched with him, Our Man Flint.
  • Neil Connery was a plasterer and an affordable Connery.
  • Our hero practices the secret Tibetan art of hypnosis. Paul wonders if it is related to Calgon.
  • Chris confuses Terrence Mann with Terrence Malick. We here at Film Frown apologize for this mistake, Mr. Mann. We love Critters and do not enjoy the sleepy films of Malick.
  • Seeing the portable projector in the film, Chris says he’s 5 years sober from his addiction to woot!.
  • Jacob quotes Insane Clown Posse for the first time in his life we’re guessing. “Magnet’s, how do they work?”
  • The crime syndicate is Thanatos, not Thanos.
  • While Paul says the music in the film is overpowering, Jacob points out that it was made by famous composer Ennio Moricone.
  • Let’s avoid getting in trouble with copyright, but we’ll have a line referencing Ian Fleming. It confuses us all and we discuss this a lot.
  • “Pull the levers!” is this movie’s “Blankets!”
  • Curiously, United Artists released this film and the Bond films.
  • So did they reuse the outfits in Starcrash?
  • So in this film, Neil Connery is Scottish and does not, at all, sound like it. In Highlander his brother plays a Spanish character and does not, at all, sound like it.

Thanks for listening! Thanks to Jacob for watching this atrocious film and teaching us the Dolph Lundgren nipple tolerance theory. Next up, a Neil Breen film.


For Y'ur Height Only

MP3

Spy season continues with Weng Weng, international little person of mystery. A parody of the Bond franchise, For Y’ur Height Only brings us quick and dirty filmmaking and a script that just gives up at some point. “Hey, it’s a parody, do we need to explain this or that? Nah.” This week we’re joined by friend and regular Arden to talk about this Filipino martial artist, his film, bad edits, repetitive music, awful stunts, worse dialogue, and nipples.

Thanks for listening to our mouth sound effects and we send you all virtual thumb touches. Until next time.


Our Man Flint

MP3

A dancing, swinging, good time on this episode because Chris has quit the synopsis. So guests Jacob & Sean dive right into this film to talk Mormon spies, a harp as a weapon, the distinct varieties of bouillabaisse, and the island of misfit Canadians.

  • In this film the title character is played by James Coburn who is playing Flint as Spock.
  • Paul adds that this is Spock in the love planet episode.
  • Sean says this film is way better than Murderer’s Row, the last film we asked him to watch.
  • It has happened, we broke Jacob with Our Man Flint.
  • The sequel to this film is Austin Power’s favorite film.
  • Chris is waiting for the future these 60s films promised. Where are the pneumatic tubes?
  • The organization bent on taking over the world reminds Jacob of E.V.I.L. from Spongebob Squarepants. Also, who knew there was a SpongePedia?
  • “To the computer!” Everyone ran to UNIVAC or more precisely the women who program it, Hidden Figures for real. Well, in a movie from the time.
  • Flint can do anything! A kick ass Jesus figure. Remember when we watched UHF? Here’s a trailer from that film for Gandhi II.
  • The “incredulous” claim that this movie is the basis for Rain Man.
  • An Automan reference that only Chris gets.
  • Every movie needs a Hans Gruber?
  • It’s Devon from Knight Rider playing Devon in this film, but he’s a bad guy? Bland villain is bland.
  • The supervisor programming women to be “pleasure units” is Mr. Whipple? Say it isn’t so!
  • This movie was premiered in Jamaica and reviewer Pauline Kael thought that was the only reason this movie received positive reviews.
  • Not going to lie, Jacob is obsessed with Jodorowsky. He always brings up The Holy Mountain. Is he challenging us to watch this?
  • Obviously Zardoz stole the “programming” scene from Our Man Flint.
  • BLANKETS!
  • Darwin Deez has this music video made entirely from stock footage. Directed by Keith Schofield.
  • Sets, logos, and other designs from this film are used in the TV show Land of the Giants.

Thanks for listening! This was a tremendous amount of fun thanks to Jacob and Sean. Check out Jacob on Twitter or his Slowne.ws. You can find Sean on Twitter and read his musings on open source and decentralization projects over at We Distribute.


Masters Of The Universe

MP3

Paul & Chris fill another request from our friend, and guest Daniel J. Hogan. Joining us on our quest to save Castle Grayskull are Arden and Jen. On this show we decide Superman hates whales. We puzzle over He-Man carrying a rifle. Sweat-filled boots make choreography difficult. This episode is 16 milliparsecs long, or something.

That’s it for this episode, each of our wonderful guests put on their space thongs and rode off on their hover boards. Thanks to Jen, Dan, and Arden for such a fun time. And we’re grateful that you took the time to listen. Good Journey!