Revenge of the Ninja

December 18, 2014

This show we review some 80s kung fu goodness. Get out your pen & paper, it’s time to count the number of bad stereotypes and the amount of times we say, “boobs!” Synthesizers, bad dialogue, karate kids and more synthesizers. This episode is a blast thanks to our guest, Arden.

Interested in the film?

• Watch on Youtube.
• Watch on Amazon.

Or cheap out and watch, Revenge of the Ninja in 4 minutes. It has all the great scenes covered, even the great pickup line, “If you want to workout, you forgot your pants.”

• “Lake-effect snow, ladies & gentleman.”
• Arden’s first movie memories revolve around horror films like The Deep, Alien and Friday the 13th.
• What’s a video tape rewinder?
• Let’s raise some money and get Arden a new Barbarella Laserdisc.
• What’s this Canadian Superchannel thing?
• Cartoon boobs? Kids will be kids and watch Heavy Metal.
• Fan site love for the actor in the film, Sho Kosagi. Playing his son in the movie is his real life son, Kane Kosagi.
• Trick editing, the secret of movie ninjas! Started by the early French master, Georges Méliès.
• Before Katniss was the Mockingjay, there was Sho’s family symbol which they proudly wear on their stealthy ninja outfits?
• Paul’s wife decided to stop watching this film when she saw the pirate bum, and started watching Salem instead.
• We all do impressions of Patrick Stewart getting a massage from Will Riker.
• Thanks to Wikipedia and Revenge of the Ninja we know what a Death Erection is.
• Keith Vitali is a former Karate champ and surely not an actor.
• We have Italian & Japanese stereotypes, let’s add a Native American named, Chief. He’s played by Don Shanks from The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams.
• Professor Toru Tanaka has been in lots of films. He’s a Professor of wrestling?
• The Village People are not in this movie.
• Arden schools us on caltrops.
• Kane Kosagi went on to continue starring opposite busty women in DOA:Dead or Alive, based on the exploitive (NSFW) video game.
• Better left in the childhood, Buck Rogers, Greatest American Hero or the original Battlestar Galactica.
• Recommendations: Kung Fu Hustle, Ong Bak and the ridiculous Chocolate.
• More recent Sho Kasagi? Try Ninja Assassin.

Thanks again to Arden for joining us. Hopefully, he returns real soon to watch some more bad films with us.

The Thing with Two Heads

December 10, 2014

This week we’re watching the uncomfortable 1972 film, The Thing with Two Heads, Heads? Steve Carlson joins Paul & Chris to review this film labeled incorrectly as comedy, scifi and horror. Spoiler alert: it should just be labeled bad.

• This film is produced by Samuel Z. Arkoff who Chris confuses with Dr. Zarkov from Flash Gordon.
• Steve shares that 7 time, Oscar winning make up artist, Rick Baker was the man in the 2-headed gorilla costume.
• Paul is reminded of Tropic Thunder when he hears the racist doctor in the film say, “you people.”
• They need a brain dead patient in the film. Too bad they couldn’t break the 4th wall and choose one of us audience members.
• Rosie Grier gets his own death march disco.
• One of the prisoners makes Chris think of his favorite Dolemite character, the creeper.
• We all agree the best line in the film, “Do you have two of anything else?”
• Paul, Chris and Steve recast the film for a remake. Will Smith & Mark Walberg, Chris Rock & Phil Robertson, Jamie Foxx & Jon Lovitz and a few others.
• Scroll down the Wikipedia page and learn The Arkoff formula for successful films.
• Suggested films Critters and Planet of the Apes.

Thanks again to Steve for joining us!

Zardoz

December 2, 2014

Sean Connery in a red diaper? How could we say no to Zardoz, the 1974 film about guns & penises. We don’t need special effects, we have the power of pantomime! Joining Chris & Paul to review the film is musician Quoc-huy.

• Earliest movie memories for all 3 reviewers are Disney films. This of course, dates everyone since Chris & Quoc think back to 101 Dalmatians and Fox & the Hound, while Paul remembers The Little Mermaid.
• “The gun is good and the penis is evil.” Quoc says the film would be completely different had those items been reversed in that quote from the film.
• The fake god Zardoz dislikes the Breeders?
• You can’t believe the imagery we’ve described up to this point, right? Have a look at the trailer for Zardoz.
• Next year we’re submitting the giant stone head of Zardoz in Artprize.
• Sean Connery’s character is named Zed. Would that be Zee in American? (A lesson learned on the Montreal Sauce episode I Just Like Saying Dongle).
• Green bread? Is that Soylent Green?
• We compare the barn of apathetic people to the crazy village in Gymkata soon.
• Chris thinks David Lee Roth could make this film better. Projection & boobs apparently aren’t enough?
• Quoc breaks the dam and the Sean Connery impressions start.
• Sean Connery in a wedding dress is not as attractive as Grandma Ma, Larry Johnson.
• This episode is not brought to you by the NBA’s New Orleans Pelicans.
• Projection and boobs get boring after a while. We want an A-Team montage.
• Guns good- FIRE BAD!
• Is the set from Return from Witch Mountain or Enter the Dragon?
• Zardoz and Friend have a not so Top Gun moment.
• Is Zed’s son the Beastmaster?
• Hollywood loves remakes. We decide to cast the modern remake.
• We don’t have recommendations for other films on this episode, because you should probably watch Zardoz.

You can find Quoc rocking out or jamming acoustically in Grand Rapids’ pubs or you’re invited to his bass player’s basement to listen to rehearsal. Find Chris & Paul on twitter or back here for more episodes.

Technicolor A-Bombs

November 25, 2014

On this episode we watch the 1975 post apocalyptic buddy comedy about sexual assault, A Boy and His Dog. Artist, writer and comedian Daniel J. Hogan joins Paul and Chris to review this talking dog picture.

• Hogan’s Heroes references have been approved.
• Dolemite is a movie that is so bad it is good suggested by Chris.
• Dan suggests The Room because it fits in the genre of so bad it is good. He also suggests the Japanese horror film, House.
• Don Johnson is the star of A Boy and His Dog. Of course we all think he’s the dog.
• The director is L.Q. Jones, who typically played the sheriff in every TV show in the 80s.
• The upbeat music in this dark film was produced by the same actor that does the dog’s voice, Tim McIntire.
• What is the name of the character Don Johnson is playing, Vic or Albert? Paul thinks perhaps Michael Vick.
• The first show and we’re already talking about the Fleshlight. Oh nifty, you’ve stumbled onto a NSFW Wikipedia page.
• Perhaps Blood the dog is a precrime dog & Minority Report is a prequel to this film?
• Jason Robards plays the antagonist, an evil Committee member. Dan recommends you watch him in Once Upon a Time in the West.
• Does Don Johnson’s dream come true in the movie? No, instead they hook him up to a milking machine.
• This movie was only missing robots, oh wait.
• So many more references in the show, from The Brady Bunch & My Little Pony to Asimov’s Laws and the “contractually required mirror universe episode”. Enjoy the show.

Catch Dan over at clattertron.com, danieljhogan.com and follow him on twitter, @danieljhogan. You can catch all 3 of them in this December 2013 episode of Montreal Sauce.

Intro to FilmFrown

September 19, 2014

Welcome to greatest adventure ever attempted by handsome, bearded men with audio equipment! Paul & Chris will torture, err invite guests to review B-movies, bad films and cult classics. This is an intro to get to know the guys, (if you’ve never heard them jabbering on Montreal Sauce) and the films that they will be sacrificing in the near future.

• Hey, what podcasts are we listening to? Paul digs on some TWiT and Chris just found Gilbert Gottfried’s Amazing Colossal Podcast.

• How do you listen to podcasts? Chris uses Podcast Addict on Android and Paul is using Overcast.

• The first movie we’ll be giving the business to is A Boy and His Dog. Is this the scifi Lassie or Old Yeller?

• Movie two: Zardoz. Yikes, where do we start?

• Watch where you put that fun finger. Dr. Goldfoot & the Bikini Machine starring Vincent Price.

• “It seemed like a good idea?” That’s the tag line for The Thing With Two Heads and no doubt what we’ll be saying about this movie choice.

• Is Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter worthy of watching?

• More than one person has suggested Gymkata.

• Chris saw the trailer for Big Ass Spider and is very curious.

• Chris thinks we might have to do an episode where we watch the film together and record. Perhaps we could use Rabb.it?

Send suggestions for films to the FilmFrown twitter account. And of course, follow that account to stay informed about live shows.